Forcing Motivation From a Creative Surplus

Hi readers! 
Welcome back to my unfiltered thoughts via blog post. I thought today I would take a stab at the most frustrating thing in my most recent days, and that is taking my creative flow and turning it into something tangible.

First off, I find it difficult for myself to even accept that lack of motivation is completely typical. Furthermore, something every! Single! Person! Experiences! And my own roadblocks are nothing to moan on about. The human species is incredibly unique on an individual level, but my God we are all the same in so many ways (including the struggles our brain consistently pushes us down with- it's hardwired in our DNA, afterall). Something I think the society we live in over-highlights is the intense need/desire to emphasize that uniqueness (within our roadblocks particularly). Don't get me confused with alt-right ideaologies of "special snow-flake syndrome". I'm well aware that mentality is primarily based in privelege and denial of other people's struggles. What I'm referencing specifically is this intensity referencing our problems, therefore we are simply helpless. For example, I harbored this twisted mindset that because I am diagnosed with X,Y, Z, I simply cannot do basic things like showering, getting up earlier than noon, etc. Basic shit that you just have to fuckin do for your own daily benefit! Point is, I feel qualified to speak on this because I'm beginning to realize that I, myself,  am pro victimizer. I'd like to possibly expand on the idea of taking responsibility beyond this post, but I'd also like to move along with where I'm taking this thought process...

Another problem I face beyond limiting my own potential with self pity is not exercising my creativity, as well as simply not exercising at all. Both mental and physical exhaustion is the key to utilitizing precious free time to create something monumental. I find myself almost every night laying awake, unable to sleep, over flowing with ideas of what to create. I come up with elaborate schemes of what to design, what to take photos of, how to organize my social media, you get the idea. However, when I wake up the next day I'm barely motivated to take a shower (I've proudly forced myself to upkeep basic hygeniene for the last two or so months on a daily basis which is huge for me,  to be honest).

So, how do I accomplish anything with this mindset of emptiness and no desire to do anything, let alone create content? Well, this is where physical activity comes into play. I've been decently trying to do the bare minimum of waking up as soon as my eyes see sunlight, let Cyrus out to do his business, feed him, walk him for thirty minutes to an hour, shower, and eat breakfast. As soon as I began implementing this "jump start" to my days I've noticed significant improvement with my productivity. I know this isn't a groundbreaking discovery, but it's one that has been extremely difficult to execute (maybe from depression, or maybe just sheer laziness,  regardless the origin is irrelevant when the outcome is equally saddening). After several hours of focused work I've begun holding myself accountable to clean the house, create content, and post on instagram consistently. For sake of transparency, my dream career is to be independently employed via my social media and clothing designs, so posting on instagram daily is honestly the bare minimum to achieve this. To further attempt kick down this road block, I've added doing @bigbottombehavior 's instagram "MOD" 's, better known as "movement of the day". These 15-20 minute workouts get your heart rate up, sweat rolling down your face, and overall gives you that extra push your body needs daily to feel ready to clock out when the sun sets and lights go out. I cannot scream loud enough that exercise isn't about looking good, it's about FEELING GOOD! Unfortunately, the diet industry has entirely warped my perception of working out as a means to get more attractive, but I'm also working to tear that concept down. 

With all of these realizations, I truly feel like I'm on my way to being the successful person I desperately want to be, but entirely neglected to put the work in for (for basically the last 3 years). Side note, I'm also applying to dog hotels tonight to try and find part time work to utilize more of my free time and gain some financial indepdence back that I also miss dearly. With my rent being 60% lower than it was last year, I am so privileged to be able to work part time and manage my bills with ease (in case anyone was thinking how the fuck can part time work afford me to live day to day). 

To sum it all up: stop bitching about minor life inconveniences and put in the work for what you want your life to be, Sabrina. And to everyone else, I hope these self reflections on my part can give you some insight on how to overcome your own mental blocks. I'm not trying to minimize my issues, but I also believe the sweet balance of compassion and tough love is essential to becoming the best version of yourself... Maybe you would agree?